wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
