My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
