i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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