WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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