also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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