I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
