I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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