Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
