Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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