So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
