I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
