I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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