Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We are two peas in an std pod
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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