Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
