Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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