I was born with a shot glass in my hand
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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