why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
