Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
