i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize