the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
