I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Congratulations! We have a period
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