When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
