Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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