never play flip cup with pint glasses
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize