i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
