***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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