So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
