Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
