I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
