I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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