I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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