Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
