remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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