walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
