It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
