please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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