it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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