It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
