I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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