he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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