You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
