Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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