I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize