we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
