Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
