ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
