Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
