He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
