just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
