I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
