I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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