they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
