so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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