im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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