I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
