my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
