It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
smell my finger.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
