Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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