Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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