Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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