Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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