He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
