I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
