I got chris browned last night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
