Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
