tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
