Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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